Dave Berry, one of the funniest guys on the planet once wrote, “If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be: meetings.” I’m not sure if he’s 100% right, but he’s close. Meetings, and extended ones like retreats, often don’t achieve their intended purpose. Why? Because we make significant mistakes when we plan them. Consider these five mistakes and potential corrective measures.
Here are some dumb mistakes I’ve made when planning and holding retreats.
- Packing too much into a retreat (which have ranged from 1-3 days). I once handed out about 20 different documents for review and study.
- Talking too much. At times I’ve talked/taught so much that I left little time for thorough interaction.
- Going too long. As the adage goes, “The brain will absorb only what the rear can endure.”
- Not including R&R.
- Including other leaders too late into the planning process. In one church I asked our elders to join us after we had completed our planning. They ended up not being on the same page and the pastors felt like our retreat was a waste of time.
As I’ve grown in my retreat leading and planning, these factors have contributed to better success.
- Narrow your discussion to a fewer number of topics.
- Create a “talk about later” list of subjects that surface during the retreat.
- Hold your retreat off-site rather than at the office.
- Begin and end at a reasonable hour. Don’t wear people out.
- Do something fun like watch a movie together.
- Listen more that you talk. Remember the acronym, WAIT, which means Why Am I Talking?
What tips can you share that have helped make your retreats effective?
Our church is growing and as we grow, our staff faces greater demands on their time. So, we must work smarter. Since I’m trying to build a learning culture here at West Park Church, I asked myself, “How can I help our staff work smarter?” I’ve adapted and used the Getting Things Done process for years, but sometimes it seems cumbersome. Recently, however, I discovered insights from a Microsoft employee who wrote the book, Getting Results the Agile Way. (I highly recommend it) It’s a simple process that helps improve personal productivity. I’ve summarized below the 4 simple decisions he suggests that can help boost our productivity. I’m beginning to apply them and they really work.
THE FOUR DECISIONS
- Monday vision: every Monday look at your week and determine the top three things you hope to accomplish. Write them down.
- Daily Outcomes: every day determine the top three things you want to accomplish. Write them down.
- Rule of Three: as you might have guessed it, practice the rule of three. That is, keep your high priority daily and weekly task/project lists to three items.
- Friday Reflection: on Friday look at what you accomplished, what you learned, and what you hope to do differently the following week.
This seems so simple that it seems simplistic. But, that’s it’s beauty.
Less is often more. Simple is often better.
In his book he expands upon these principles, and many more.
Here’s how we’ve tried to incorporate this insight.
- Some time back for several weeks each week we read 2-3 chapters of the book.
- When we met in our weekly staff meeting we discussed our learnings.
- I created four posters reflecting the four key insights above and as a reminder I taped them to our conference room wall where we met.
This author is quite unselfish. He offers a 30-day free plan here where he takes one key insight and expands it each day for 30 days.
As I seek to boost my productivity, while keeping healthy margins, I’m reminded that the Bible even tells us to use our time wisely.
- Making the best use of the time, because the days are evil. (Eph 5.16, ESV)
- So teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom. (Ps 90.12, ESV)
How can you boost your productivity this week?
I serve as lead pastor at West Park Church in London, Ontario, having served my entire ministry in the U.S. prior to my move to Canada 5 years ago. One of my greatest joys has been working with our current elder board. I’ve never worked with a board that has accomplished so much with so much unanimity and harmony. I believe these 8 reasons explain why this board works so well together.
- PRAYER: We always begin our meetings with a focus on God’s Word and prayer. And our prayers are not the perfunctory prayer-ettes. We often pray for an extended time for the needs in the church. This keeps us focused on our shepherding role.
- PREPARATION: I meet with the chair and vice-chair a few weeks prior to plan our meetings. We prepare an agenda that we email to the entire team before the meeting. They know what to expect.
- NO TIE BREAKERS: Although I’m an elder, I don’t have a vote on the board. When the board has to approve some significant issue, I give my perspective, but I’m never in a position to be a deciding a vote. Most of the decisions the board has made have been unanimous or near unanimous.
- UNITY IN DISAGREEMENT: Our meetings are not filled with all happy talk. We’ve had serious discussions and shared different perspectives on issues. But we agree that when we leave the board room, we speak as one.
- LISTENING PERSPECTIVE: Every one on the board truly listens to everyone else’s perspectives. When we disagree, we do so with respect having first truly listened to each other.
- BLOOD, SWEAT, AND TEARS: No church is perfect and neither is ours. Before I arrived the board had invested extremely long hours dealing with significant issues the church faced. They have invested much and don’t sit in an ivory tower apart from the day in and day out tough stuff in every church. They have ‘paid their dues,’ so to speak, and want what’s best for the church.
- FOCUSED MEETINGS: We meet once a month and just decided last year to give each meeting a unique slant. After a prayer time, we focus on one major strategic issue while our minds are fresh. We then deal with tactical stuff.
- APPRECIATION: Often I hear different board members share words of appreciation to each for a member’s unique contributions. I also often thank and appreciate the board members for their service.
It’s a joy serving on a board that works through tough stuff, but does so with grace and intention.
What keys have made your board work well?
Churches, non-profits, and businesses require emotionally healthy and aware leaders. While competency, good management skills, and vision casting ability certainly matter, research now shows that emotional intelligence (EQ) profoundly impacts leadership effectiveness as well. One aspect of EQ, knowing our emotions, reinforces the idea that leaders must never be moody ones. Neuroscience gives us four reasons why.
Before I list the reasons why leaders should never be moody, here’s how I describe a moody leader.
- Employes and followers aren’t sure what kind of mood he will bring to work.
- When he feels anxious, which is often, he’s short with others and demanding.
- He thrives on drama in the workplace.
- He lacks self-awareness of how he comes across when he’s emotional.
So, here’s how neuroscience informs us about the downsides of moody leaders.
- Emotional contagion. Emotional contagion is the term that describes how others catch our emotions. If a leader is often moody, sour, or negative, that attitude will permeate that organization or church. I was once treated very rudely when I ordered a hamburger and fries at a hamburger joint. A few minutes later the cook yelled at the person who waited on me. At that point I realized who actually waited on me, the owner of the restaurant. His employees had ‘caught’ his bad attitude. I never returned.
- Uncertainty. Our brains don’t like uncertainty. When we sense it (“I wonder what kind of mood the boss will be in today?”), it sets up an avoidance response in us. Or flight-fight-freeze-appease center (the limbic system) ratchets up which results in fear, less team cooperation, and less creativity in the workplace. Moody leaders infuse uncertainty into the workplace. (My blog here describes our brain’s 3 leadership systems we should be aware of.)
- Mirror neurons. Mirror neurons are a specialized group of brain cells that cause us to mimic goal directed behavior. For example, when we see someone yawn or smile, we tend to subconsciously yawn or smile. But such behavior is not limited to yawns and smiles. If a leader constantly frowns or furrows his brow in a disapproving way, it sets a negative tone in the workplace or the church. Yet, genuine smiles can do the opposite by encouraging a positive, productive work setting.
- Theory of mind. Theory of mind is a concept that says our minds can somewhat intuit what others are thinking and feeling. Although not mind reading, the process called mentalizing, helps us understand another’s mental states. Mentalizing helps us imagine and interpret their needs, desires, feelings, and goals. When a leader brings moodiness into relationships, he inadvertently leads others to intuit negative intents, purposes, or desires which that leader probably does not want his followers or employees to think or believe.
So you can see that moody leadership does not contribute to healthy teams, trust, creativity, leadership effectiveness, or cooperation.
If you think you may be a moody leader, ask someone who truly cares about you to gently remind you when you start acting moody.
On the whole, I believe pastors are a pretty smart bunch. We earn advanced degrees, study biblical languages, go to conferences to learn, and constantly challenge our brains when we prepare messages and talks. I’ve earned two theology degrees and consider myself a relatively smart guy. But, brain smarts won’t guarantee ministry fruitfulness. Our walk with Christ fundamentally matters. And how we manage relationships probably ranks second in influence. As I look back over my 38 years in ministry, I realize I repeatedly made this one really dumb mistake in the relationship area.
I hid out.
I don’t mean that I intentionally hid from people. But I isolated myself too much from staff and people in the church. I didn’t make myself visible enough.
- In one church my office was the furtherest away from everybody else. And I stayed in it way too long during work hours. I seldom came out of the office.
- In that same church I didn’t emerge from my office until three minutes before the Sunday service.
- In another church as a low level associate, I would never meet with anyone unless they made an appointment several days in advance. This practice certainly may be necessary for the lead pastor of a large church, but not for my role at the time, my first full time position.
Since those early years, I think I’ve grown up and become much wiser. Most church people (and staff) recognize that lead pastors are busy. Yet, they want to feel they have some connection to him or her. They don’t want to feel we are always in a rush to be somewhere else.
I now recognize that my visible presence matters greatly. And I don’t mean that we should make ourselves 24/7 accessible. We, too, must keep healthy margins. But, church people and staff need relational touches. Even small ones matter.
Here are changes I’ve made to help me be less of a ‘hider.’
- When I’m not preaching on a Sunday, I visit the kid’s areas, poke my head in each classroom, and thank the leaders. I don’t just sit in my office and read (which I enjoy doing).
- Before each Sunday service I intentionally finish my prayer time with an elder 10-15 minutes prior to the service start time so I can shake people’s hands and chat.
- I ask an elder to close out each service in prayer and just prior to that as I share some final comments, I explain that I will be at the welcome center after the service and would like to meet new people.
- I more often manage staff using the MBWA technique, Management By Walking Around. Although I still keep my door closed to minimize interruptions, I intentionally break throughout the day and wander around to touch base with staff.
- When I talk to a staff person during the week or a church person on Sundays, I try to give them my full presence through eye contact and genuine listening. Even a minute or two ‘fully present’ interaction can make a positive deposit into the souls of others.
I’m much wiser now and hope that going forward I won’t make as many dumb mistakes as I did when I was younger.
What’s the dumbest mistake you’ve every made as a pastor?