Leaders Who Flatter Fall Flat
Psalm 12:3
Psalm 12 is not a reflective psalm written from a quiet place.
It comes from a moment when David felt surrounded—by voices he could not trust.
He describes a culture where truth had thinned out. Faithful people were disappearing. Words sounded polished, but motives were not. What hurt most wasn’t open hostility. It was smooth speech. Carefully chosen words meant to impress, influence, and manipulate.
David names the problem directly:
“May the Lord silence all flattering lips and every boastful tongue.” (Psalm 12:3, NIV)
That’s strong language. And intentional.
Flattery is a big deal to God because it corrupts what words are meant to do. Scripture consistently treats speech as moral action, not just communication. Words shape reality, relationships, and trust.
Flattery sounds like affirmation, but it isn’t rooted in truth. It exaggerates. It withholds what needs to be said. It aims at advantage rather than good. And God opposes it because He is committed to truth and to the people affected by our words.
There’s also a neuroscience layer here. Flattery activates short-term reward circuits in the brain—dopamine rises, defenses drop. It feels good quickly. But it also bypasses the brain’s discernment systems. Over time, people learn to seek approval rather than accuracy, and leaders begin managing emotions instead of leading with clarity.
That’s why flattery doesn’t just harm others—it reshapes the leader who uses it.
Flattery damages leaders in at least three ways:
- It erodes credibility. People eventually sense when praise isn’t anchored to reality.
- It shuts down honest feedback. Teams stop telling the truth and start telling leaders what they want to hear.
- It rewires motivation. Approval becomes the goal, and character quietly takes a back seat.
Paul gives us a different vision for leadership language:
“Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs.” (Ephesians 4:29, NIV)
Notice what Paul doesn’t say. He doesn’t say “be nice.” He says be helpful.
We use words well when we:
- Speak truthfully, without exaggeration or hidden agenda.
- Speak purposefully, aiming at growth, not momentary comfort.
- Speak wisely, with attention to timing and context.
Flattery feels relational.
Truth actually builds relationships.
David’s prayer reminds us that God cares deeply about the way leaders speak—not because words are small things, but because they shape people. And leaders who rely on flattery may rise quickly, but they rarely stand for long.
Reflection:
Where am I tempted to smooth words instead of speak true ones?