10 Indicators You Have no Margin in your Life

In Richard Swenson’s seminal book, Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial, and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives, he defines margin this way. Margin is the space between our load and our limits.

He says it is related to our reserves and resilience. He calls it a buffer, a place where we can recharge our batteries, and a space where we can focus on what matters most. I highly recommend the book. Unfortunately, those in ministry often lack margin. Here are 10 signs that may indicate you lack margin and 5 steps to gain more of it.

margin vice grip
  1. I’m always mentally and physically exhausted.
  2. Small things more easily get under my skin. I can’t turn my anxious thoughts off.
  3. I don’t seem to have the joy for ministry I once did.
  4. I count down the days until my day off. Yet even on my day off I’m still anxiously thinking about ministry stuff.
  5. Those who love me most tell me to slow down yet I always have a comeback excuse.
  6. I often worry about what others think of my performance.
  7. I too easily take things personally.
  8. I find that I can’t focus as well as I once did.
  9. I get easily distracted and try to multi-task more often.
  10. My devotional times with God are mostly dry.

If a few of these are consistently true of you, you may need more margin in your life.

If that’s so, what should you do?

When I’ve found myself with little margin, it hasn’t been easy to change things, but these steps have helped.

  1. Admit that you life is too full and that it’s not good, pleasing to God, or healthy for you.
  2. Learn the art of mindfulness, being aware of and in the present moment without being harsh on yourself or worrying about what happened yesterday or fretting about what might happen tomorrow. Meditate on the words of Jesus in Matthew 6.
  3. Take a day off, really. Turn off your phone and don’t check email. Do something that refreshes your soul.
  4. Turn your mind off earlier in the day than you do now. Perhaps you need to decrease night meetings. Maybe you need to establish hard stops for those evening meetings.
  5. Remind your self that if you don’t take care of you, you can’t take care of others.
    After all, Jesus did say something about loving yourself.

What has helped you gain better margin?

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What One of the World’s Smartest Leaders Taught Me

Recently I heard Malcolm Webber speak about leadership. With a PhD in organizational leadership and author of over 30 books, he understands the current leadership culture like few others I’ve heard. He leads an organization called LeaderSource and speaks to and trains leaders all around the world on the subject. As one of the brightest and most innovative leaders/leadership consultants today I had difficulty taking notes fast enough because most everything he said was worth remembering. Here are some highlights.

Leadership concept
  • Great leaders must say yes to the right things.
  • Leaders must not confuse activity with results or size with success.
  • Leadership development is not discipleship. A discipled leader is assumed.
  • The three parts of the leadership process are:
    • Identification (what John Maxwell calls Discovery)
    • Development
    • Deployment
  • The biggest problem in leadership today is working with the wrong people (a paraphrase from the great missiologist, Ralph Winter)
  • Jesus’ men did not sign up. They were chosen.
  • Damaged leaders damage others.
  • There are two fundamental, foundational issues that must be in place for prospective leaders:
    • They can think. They…
      1. explore
      2. think ahead and outside normal patterns
      3. learn from mistakes
      4. remain teachable and adaptable
      5. think conceptually and holistically
      6. embrace ambiguity.
    • They act. They…
      1. don’t wait for someone else to act
      2. are probably already leading somewhere
      3. take responsibility and initiative
      4. challenge the status quo
      5. energize others.
  • When choosing leaders, keep these four ideas in mind.
    1. Look for people who think.
    2. Look for people who act.
    3. Look for people about whom you can observe their lives.
    4. Look for people who deeply depend on God.
  • Potential is not performance.

What insights about leadership have helped you lead well?

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5 Vision Killers

Casting vision is a key role every pastor must fill. Yet sometimes corporate attitudes and unhealthy cultures can get in the way. I’ve discovered five attitudes that will stifle even the best cast vision. See if you agree.

vision
  1. Consumer Christianity reflected in the attitude, What’s in it for me?
    • Healthy churches realize they can’t consume their way into discipleship. Following Jesus is not all about us. Great churches rally around a unified cause centered in Jesus and move forward for the good of the whole and the glory of God even it means some people won’t get their preferred way. Good leaders will teach that flexibility and a deferential spirit are crucial ingredients for prevailing churches.
  2. Losing sight that the church gathers on Sundays to scatter the rest of the week.
  3. Risk aversion.
    • Minimizing risk and maximizing safety can becomes a trait for risk averse leaders.  J Oswald Chambers who authored the devotional My Utmost for His Highest wrote, “The frontiers of the kingdom of God were never advanced by men and women of caution.” Great churches can’t play it safe, huddle and cuddle, strive for safety and security, nor guarantee comfort and convenience. While not throwing caution to the wind, great leaders and churches must take bold steps of faith
  4. Programs and processes that trump passion and people.
    • It’s easy to assume that great plans and strategies will automatically and easily reach people. They are important, but without a driving passion for God and a love for people, they are, well, only plans.
  5. The barrenness of busyness.
    • Busy pastors often struggle with this one. I know I do with what seems to be a limitless to-do list. However, busyness can make us miss God. And it does not always translate into productivity. As Bill Hybels has famously said,”Doing the work of Christ was killing the work of Christ in me.” When that happens, our hearts become calloused and cold, we lose our leadership edge, and vision gets stifled.

What have you experienced that can stifle a God-directed vision?

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Stopping the Inner Mental Chatter when you Teach and Preach

Has this every happened to you when you teach preach? You’re in a groove and as you scan your audience, you notice someone not listening…or someone’s arms are crossed…or someone has a scowl on her face. And then an inner dialogue begins. Why aren’t they listening? They must not like what I’m saying? They don’t like me, etc., etc., etc. And then you lose your focus. Every preacher, teacher, and speaker faces this temptation. When it happens, what’s going on and what can we do?

Connection_persons

It’s all (or mostly) in our brains. Certainly satan is at work to distract us and our listeners as Mark writes.

Mark 4.15 Some people are like seed along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them.

But often it’s simply a conscious/unconscious process going on inside our brains due to an overactive part of the brain whose function is to scan for something not right in our environment. When we notice someone(s) in our audience not listening, instead of just noticing and moving on, our minds often add silent commentary like, They must not like what I’m saying. And then we add more dialogue on top of that and even more on top of that.

It we stay in this thought stream, it actually blocks our ability to communicate effectively. We lose our mental focus, we can lose our place in the talk, and negative emotions like fear (they are rejecting me) or worry (what will they say about me since they have rejected me) further distract us.

When this happens, fortunately, we can take some quick practical steps to get back on track. Here’s what has helped me stop this negative chatter before it affects my sermon or talk.

  1. Recognize the physical clues that this may be happening. For me, a dry mouth indicates I’m doing this. When our fight-flee-freeze center in our brain is active, it activates a part of our nervous system that among other things, causes our muscles to tighten, get sweaty palms, or slows down our saliva production. Thus for me, my dry mouth. So, it’s important to stay aware of body sensations that indicate your mind is chattering. Sometimes it’s easier to notice these physical sensations first.
  2. After the physical clue reminds you, simply acknowledge that your brain is messing with you. Those anxious thoughts and emotions are not really you. They are simply passing sensations in your brain. In reality, most of those negative thoughts have no basis in fact. So, let yourself off the hook. It’s your brain messing with you.
  3. Reappraise the situation. I’m a very attentive listener and I always look straight at those talking to me, whether I’m in a 1-1 conversation or I’m listening to a speaker bring a talk. I assume others do the same. However, some people are auditory learners and even though they seem to not be listening, they often are. So, when I see someone not paying attention to my talk I mentally tell myself, They must be an auditory learner. I may be wrong, but this short mental reappraisal helps me get back on track.
  4. Finally, pause at a natural break in your talk, take a breath, and move on. Many studies have shown that a slow breath actually lessens anxiety.

When we bring a sermon or a spiritual talk, spiritual forces certainly seek to minimize the Kingdom impact of our teaching. Satan does not want God’s Word to change lives. Yet, at the same time, our bodies and brains often work agains us as well. We must recognize the difference and when it’s our brain, these simple techniques can help.

What has helped you deal with this mental chatter when you speak?

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When you Feel Beaten Up

Life and ministry can sometimes beat you up. And when that happens, we don’t need a kick, we need a lift. Read a part of this old children’s story first published in 1922 and be encouraged. They are wise words offered by the Skin Horse to the Velveteen Rabbit taken from the book, The Velveteen Rabbit by Margery Williams.

small bunny soft toy withdaisy flowers, Author's work with prope

The Skin Horse had lived longer in the nursery than any of the others. He was so old that his brown coat was bald in patches and showed the seams underneath, and most of the hairs in his tail had been pulled out to string bead necklaces. He was wise, for he had seen a long succession of mechanical toys arrive to boast and swagger, and by-and-by break their mainsprings and pass away, and he knew that they were only toys, and would never turn into anything else.

For nursery magic is very strange and wonderful, and only those playthings that are old and wise and experienced like the Skin Horse understand all about it.

“What is REAL?” asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. “Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?”

“Real isn’t how you are made,” said the Skin Horse. “It’s a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.”

“Does it hurt?” asked the Rabbit. “Sometimes,” said the Skin Horse, for he was always truthful. “When you are Real you don’t mind being hurt.”

“Does it happen all at once, like being wound up,” he asked, “or bit by bit?”

“It doesn’t happen all at once,” said the Skin Horse.

“You become. It takes a long time. That’s why it doesn’t happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in the joints and very shabby. But these things don’t matter at all, because once you are Real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand.”

If you’re going through a tough time and feel shabby and it seems like your eyes are dropping out, remember the wise words of the Skin Horse. Once you are real you can’t be ugly, except to people who don’t understand. 

Remember, no matter how you feel, God sees you not as bruised and broken baggage, but as a beloved child of God, cherished and accepted beyond measure.

Related posts:

  • 8 Ways to Bust Leadership Discouragement
  • How to Make a Pastor’s Job Joyful